A knight in shining armor mounted on a strong steed gallops into your life and takes you into his arms. With one kiss from this Prince Charming, you are safe and secure. He takes care of you, and you care for him. You never have to worry about working another day in your life and you live happily ever after.
**Spoiler alert: Life is not a fairy tale.** If you are secretly hoping a man will swoop in and ‘save’ you financially (even if you’d NEVER admit that to even your closest girlfriends out loud), you are setting yourself up for a game of romance roulette that can leave you worse for the wear if you’re not careful.
While I highly doubt you are the type of person that would pursue a relationship simply for financial gain (or else why would you be reading this blog?!), I know many a wise single ladies who don’t give their finances the attention they deserve with an unconscious belief that ‘it will all work out’ and they won’t have to deal with it when they meet their modern-day PC.
It is SO important that you never put your financial responsibilities on hold, or avoid them altogether, thinking that they will disappear once you meet your handsome other half. As the strong, independent woman that you are, here are four essential truths you will want to keep in mind to help you keep your financial house in order, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
1. Define the Real Relationship You Want
I want to clear one thing up right off the bat. If you want to be a stay at home wife or mom, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s a lifestyle conversation that you and your mate should have together. There is no one “right” way to structure your relationship. As long as you and your partner are on the same page about your goals – go for it!
When you are still looking for Mr. Right, it’s easy to swipe and feel like you just have to ‘go with what’s available’ in the market. Every gal knows she’s going to have to kiss a few frogs before she meets her Prince Charming. But…you can greatly minimize the number of frogs you have to kiss if you have a clear picture of what your ideal relationship looks like.
What is important to you in a partner? Do you want someone loving, kind, compassionate, career driven, or …? If you had to choose, would you rather have a man with a mountain of gold or a man with a heart of gold? Which will bring lasting fulfillment?
You see, I believe at our core, we want someone who loves us, accepts us as we are and inspires us to be our best every day.
2. Take a Look at Your Vibe ☮✌
Once you’re clear about the type of relationship and the qualities in a partner that are important to you, it’s time to evaluate if you are being the type of person that will attract your vision into your life.
If you are not control of your money, how do you feel about this? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Fearful? Angry? Indifferent? The state of your money is a reflection of the state of your life.
If you are ashamed of your finances, how will this influence your feelings about the type of man you deserve? If you are fearful when it comes to money, how will this drive your dating decisions? Strong emotions can cloud our vision and cause us to miss seeing what’s truly important.
When you are in control of your money, you will have an inner confidence and aura that can’t be faked. You will attract the Jay Z to your Beyoncé.
[bctt tweet=” When you are in control of your money, you will have an inner confidence and aura that can’t be faked. You will attract the Jay Z to your Beyoncé.” ]
3. The Truth About Men (and Women) Who ‘Have it Made’
“I just love a man in a suit,” you think to yourself. Woosh. Swipe right.
This dashing suitor shows up to your date wearing designer threads and just the right amount of masculine cologne. He takes you to a nice restaurant, and throughout your courtship, he buys you flowers and takes you to all the best places around town in his luxury car. You know he has a good job. Outwardly, it appears he’s got it made.
Do you know that 78% of of full-time workers report living paycheck to paycheck? And almost 10% of people earning $100,000+ say they have trouble making ends meet.CNBC News
Just because Prince Charming buys nice things doesn’t necessarily mean he can afford them. He may take you to fancy restaurants and drive a nice car… and he may be livin’ on a prayer and his Visa card.
As you’re getting to know Mr. Rico Suave, don’t just look at the pretty package, listen for indicators of what his values are. Does he feel the need to keep up appearances to feed his ego? Or does he talk about saving money and putting away for his future? Does he feel pressure to work non-stop to maintain his lifestyle? You may want to think seriously if you will feel content in a relationship with a man who may prioritize his career above all else.
The only way you will know these things is to spend time really getting to know him. Talk. Ask questions. Share your own vision for your life. See if it all gels and has depth beyond a pretty exterior.
4. The Reality We Don’t Want to Acknowledge
We don’t like to think about unpleasant things so I promise I won’t make you dwell here long, but… there are a few simple truths you should keep tucked away in your mental file cabinet as you navigate life.
A heart of gold vs. a safe deposit box full of gold
You deserve a Prince Charming who adores you and treats you with his love, time, attention and utmost respect. Hold out for that man that makes your heart goes pitter patter whenever he’s around and makes you miss him every time you’re apart. If you meet this man, snag him up before he gets away. Don’t worry if he doesn’t have the corner-suite career. If you share a life vision and financial values, you will be on track together to build a strong financial future together.
Money comes and money can go
You may meet a man who truly does ‘have it made’ financially. Despite our best-laid plans, life is unpredictable, and things can go awry. It only takes one health crisis, one layoff in a down economy, one bad investment, or one major lawsuit to lose it all. Just because a man has money today doesn’t guarantee he always will. Make sure you truly love the man you are with for who he is at his core—knowing if he were to lose it all, you would stay by his side to rebuild together.
Life is always a bit of a gamble
No sugar coating here. Relationships that go the distance can be hard at times. They require you to dig deep and grow as a person during challenging moments. Not every relationship survives times of turbulence, as our divorce statistics show. Pinning your financial security on another person is a 50-50 gamble. Are you willing to play with those odds? Staying an active participate in your money matters will greatly increase your odds of long-term success.
Where To Go From Here
You CAN have the life that you dream. It takes knowing what you want and developing the focus to go after it.
You are doing an injustice to yourself and your future partner if you neglect your finances today hoping that someone else will pick up the pieces in the future.
Commit to taking action today. Start with this basic budgeting plan, and work your way through the 5 simple steps to strengthen your financial foundation and develop that inner assurance that you will be o.k. financially no matter what. When you are in control of your financial situation, you will radiate an aura of confidence and self-possession that will attract the right man into your life.